yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
