people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
