the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
