dude i'm inner monologue high
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
