I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
