Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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