dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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