Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
