I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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