so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
