U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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