i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How naked do you want me to be?
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