I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i will never coherently bang her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
