He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
