I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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