he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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