He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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