I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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