It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
