sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
