woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
