That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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