Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am one with the molecules
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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