apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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