It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
