yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
