I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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