I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
