thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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