im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
