We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
