the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize