Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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