i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
