I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
