do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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