The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
