My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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