Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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