I puked a lego.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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