I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
