that's an acceptable place to lick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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