I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize