Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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