Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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