we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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