I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
