threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
