Umm I'm too high to move.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
