I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
