We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
