i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
