$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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