i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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