I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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