If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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