A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize