what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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