I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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