you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
