I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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