I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
