It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
