So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
