so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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