Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
