Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
