Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
