Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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