Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize