I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
