Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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