so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
